Continuing the story of Claire’s experience with “Nettles” we learn the link between painful memories and dissociation.

After Claire ran through the Nettle patch to escape the rooster, it took days for the welts to subside, but the family stories of the incident never ended, so she continued to be reminded, again and again. Years later it would come up in conversation, “Do you remember when you ran through the nettles to escape the pet rooster?” Claire and nettles were linked. The mere mention of the plant brought recollections of pain, fear, and embarrassment.

In the communal garden all these memories and fears came flooding back, and Claire felt powerless against the nettles. The commune would not permit sprays or chemical controls to be used, and for Claire to rip out the nettles by hand meant the risk of being stung. This seemed fruitless, for the nettles grew back almost as quickly as they were pulled…TO BE CONTINUED

adapted from “Learning to Love Your Discomfort” in 101 Healing Stories, by George W. Burns

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Memories of horrific, repeated abuse are what dissociation attempts to protect us from. Like Claire’s memories of the nettles, our memories of abuse or trauma can produce some pretty overwhelming emotions. When we encounter feelings, people or situations that remind us of the abuse we suffered in the past, dissociation kicks in, producing gaps in consciousness or alternate personalities to avoid having to relive our terrible memories and feel that pain again.

The process goes something like this. We encounter a feeling, person, or situation that triggers the memory (conscious or unconscious) of our past abuse or trauma. The feelings produced by the memory are overwhelming, and make us feel powerless. So our mind comes to the rescue by causing us to become someone else, to bring up an alternate personality to handle the perceived present threat,  or to block out what’s going on all together.

The problem with this coping mechanism is that it is overkill in our current situation. We are not in physical danger. We are not being abused. But our mind is trained to protect us at all costs so it resorts to what worked in the past.

How do we begin to retrain our minds to handle non life-threatening situations without the aid of dissociation? One way is to journal about whatever triggers our dissociation. Writing about the experience allows for release of emotions and rationalization about the reality of the situation that caused us to dissociate. We can also talk with our different parts and explain to them what is happening and why there is no reason to escape.

Another technique is self-talk when we begin to feel overwhelmed. “This situation is not life-threatening.” “I can cope with what is happening.” “I have power in this moment to control my own destiny.”

Prayer is also very helpful in coping with what we perceive to be threatening people or situations. We can ask our Creator for protection in the present and healing from our past.

The bottom line with memories is this: our past is not our future. We can, we must, take control of how we process our memories of abuse and trauma so they do not control us. Again, loving acceptance and patience are key to teaching our mind, our alters, appropriate reaction and behavior in any given situation.