We continue the story of “Nettles” (See my posts for 1/17 and 1/21 for parts 1 and 2 of the story). What Claire learns about her perspective on painful memories is helpful to anyone recovering from abuse and/or struggling with dissociation.

Claire took her nettle problem to the commune meeting. She wanted to work in the garden, but something had to be done about the nettles. One of the other commune residents gave her a book about nettles and made a comment that stuck in her mind. Claire wasn’t sure whether it was the book or the comment that made the difference.

To her surprise, the book praised nettles and their usefulness. It prescribed them as a treatment for several ailments. The book said that sipping nettle tea was good for arthritis. Claire carefully gathered the nettles and made them into tea for the communal breakfast. When she called it “nettle tea,” people refused to even try it. The next day she made the drink again but called it “fresh, garden herb tea.” Her residents drank it with the eagerness and enjoyment of a camel arriving at an oasis after a long desert journey.

Back in the garden, this incident led her to think, It’s not so much what an object is, but rather how we see or label it that makes the difference. The tea remained the same. Only the name Claire gave it determined whether others in the commune rejected the tea with repugnance or accepted it with enjoyment…TO BE CONTINUED

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How we view abuse, trauma, or any painful memory for that matter, makes a huge difference in how that past event impacts our present and our future. It’s not so much what our pain is, but rather how we see it or label it that makes the difference.

It’s very easy and common to become frozen in the moment of our past pain and to see it as THE defining event of our life. We begin to see ourselves only in relation to the pain and not as someone who is moving forward and able to heal.

A healthier perspective on past abuse, trauma, or pain is to reflect on how we can use the event to benefit us. In my own case, I have used my experience of abuse and struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder to help me be more compassionate toward those whose past suffering affects their present behavior in a negative way. It has also caused me to let go of some of my judgmentalism toward those who I find difficult to be or work with because I realize they may be carrying hidden pain just like I did.

Changing our perspective does not change the trauma, pain, or abuse of our past, it changes how we let our past affect our present and future. And a change in perspective may lessen the day to day effects of dissociative symptoms for those of us who have them.

Will you serve the people in your life ”nettle tea” or “fresh, garden herb tea?”