People living with mental illness often hurt the people we are closest to. Sometimes we hurt people intentionally out of anger over the way we are treated. But often times the hurt we cause our family, friends, or employers is a by-product of the disease we struggle with. We don’t mean to damage relationships, but because we are ill-equipped to deal with the thoughts and emotions our mental illness causes, we make poor decisions that adversely affect those we love and work for. Some of us attempt to self-medicate our pain and get caught in the grip of an addiction that damages our relationships and careers. Some of us, because of our diminished ability to function from day to day have difficulty staying employed and put great economic stress on our families causing feelings of resentment.

When I was in the throes of dissociative identity disorder and depression, I abandoned my wife when she needed me and betrayed her when she trusted me. My actions almost destroyed my marriage, and cost me a very good job. I found myself in a vicious cycle. I acted out the pain caused by my mental illness and my acting out caused me more pain and shame exacerbating the symptoms of my disorder, causing me to feel even worse. I was a classic illustration of the principle that “hurting people hurt people. It was my wife’s choice to forgive me that broke this destructive cycle. Next time I’ll tell you how.