When I was suffering with depression and dissociative identity disorder my wife taught me that compassionate treatment of mental illness requires a heart that forgives.

I know that without the forgiveness of my wife, Carol, I could not have healed. At the very least, my healing would have taken years longer. Carol’s decision to release me from the toxic debt of my past offenses toward her had the healing effect of freeing my energy to focus on rebuilding our relationship (instead of having to defend myself against blame and recrimination). It also allowed me to focus on healing the hurts that fragmented my identity into fifteen separate personalities. It was Carol’s forgiveness that gave me the strength to gradually forgive my family for their abuse of me as a child. And it was her forgiveness, as well, that offered me the means to forgive myself for my failures.

In fact, my wife’s ability to forgive became a model for me as I struggled with releasing both my family and myself from all blame. If Carol could let go of the pain I’d caused her, I reasoned, then I could let go of the hurt my family had inflicted upon me. By the same token, perhaps, I could could release myself from guilt I felt over the pain I’d caused others when my mental illness was at its worst. My wife understood that that hurt I’d caused her was a by product of my own hurt.

For me, Carol’s forgiveness was a living example of the forgiveness of God. And the combined forgiveness of my wife and God became the foundation on which I began the journey to healing for my mental illness and to mend the trust and love that had vanished from my marriage.

Is there someone struggling with mental illness who has hurt you that you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself for the hurt you have caused others as you’ve wrestled with mental illness?

Compassionate treatment of mental illness requires a heart that forgives, and that forgiveness sets people with mental illness free to focus on healing their mind, body, and soul.