St. Peter & Brother Jim cured an ailing farmer and received a lamb as thanks. Off they went again…

So we went on our way and came to a forest. The lamb was getting heavy for me to carry and I was getting hungry. So I said, “Look, here’s a nice place where we can cook the lamb and eat it.”

“All right,” answered St. Peter, “only I’m no good at cooking. If you want to cook, here is a kettle. I’ll walk up and down until it is done. But you must not start eating before I come. I’ll be back in good time.”

“You go along then,” I said. “I’m a good cook. I’ll cook this baby up real fine!”

And so St. Peter walked off and I slaughtered the lamb, lit a fire, threw the meat into the kettle, and let it cook. But the lamb was already done and the apostle hadn’t come back. So I took it out of the kettle, cut it up, and found the heart. “That’s supposed to be the best part,” I said. I tasted the heart and it was the best part! Before I knew it, I’d eaten the whole heart.

Finally, St. Peter came back and said, “You may eat the whole lamb by yourself, all I want is the heart. Give it to me.”

So I took my knife and fork and made as if I was searching through the meat but could not find the heart. In the end, I said calmly, “It’s not here.”

“It’s not? Well then, where could it be?” said the apostle. “How should I know?” I answered. “But look what fools we are, both of us, looking for the heart of a lamb. A lamb doesn’t have a heart!”

“Really?” said St. Peter. “That’s news to me. Every animal has a heart. Why shouldn’t a lamb have one?”

“No honestly, brother, a lamb does not have a heart. You think about it and it’ll come to you. It just doesn’t.”

“All right, let it go,” said the big guy, if there’s no heart, I don’t need any lamb. You can eat it by yourself.”

“Well, then what I can’t finish I’ll take along in my knapsack, ” I said. So I ate up half of the lamb and put the rest into my knapsack.”

—

The Adventures of Brother Jim based on the story “Brother Gaily” from The Juniper Tree and Other Tales from Grimm.

Brother Jim encountered St. Peter three times disguised as a beggar and each time gave him what he could. Down to his last quarter of a loaf of bread and his last dollar Jim moves on down the road.

With the dollar I had left I went into a little country store and bought a small bottle of water. Then I sat down on a stump outside the store, ate the last quarter of my bread and drank my bottle of water.

When I finished I went on my way. A little way down the road who should show up again but St. Peter, this time disguised as a sailor (The glow around his head gave him).”Good morning, friend,” he said, “Can you spare me a piece of bread and a dollar for a drink?”

“I would if I had it,” I replied. “The army just dischardged me with nothing except one loaf of army bread and four dollars. On the road I met three beggars and gave each one a quater of my bread and one dollar. The last bit of my bread I ate up at the country store where I bought a drink to go with it. Now I’m flat broke. If you’ve got nothing left either, let’s go begging together.”

“No,” answered St. Peter, “I’m not that bad off yet. I am something of a doctor, so I’ll manage to earn my keep.”

“Oh well,” I said, “I know nothing about medicine, so I’ll have to go panhandle by myself.”

“Why don’t you come along with me, then, said Pete. “And if I earn anything, you can have half.”

“That’s fine with me,” I said. And we went on our way together.

—

The Adventures of Brother Jim based on the story “Brother Gaily” from The Juniper Tree and Other Tales from Grimm.

—

Thursday: “What’s Up, Doc?”

Once upon a time there was a great war, and when it was over, I was discharged from the army. When I got out of the army I had nothing but a small loaf of army issue bread and four dollars in my pocket. Since I did not have enough money for bus or cab fare, I set out to walk home.

Now at that time St. Peter the Apostle was roaming the earth and happened to be walking down the road I was on (How’d I know it was St. Pete? Hey, this is my story, I just knew it alright?). When he saw me he sat down by the side of the road disguised as a poor beggar. When I came walking along, he asked me for a handout.

“And what am I supposed to give you?” I answered. “I was just discharged from the army with only this small loaf of army bread and four bucks. When that’s gone I’ll have my hand out just like you! But I guess I can give you something.”

So I took out my army knife and divided my bread into four parts and gave one to St. Pete. I also gave him a dollar. The apostle thanked me and walked on ahead of me until he was out of sight.

A few miles down the road I happened upon St. Peter again, this time disguised as a different beggar, sitting by the side of the road. When I came along, he asked me for a meal. Well, I told this beggar the same thing as the last one and gave him a quarter of my bread and a dollar.

The “Pete Man” thanked me and walked on out of sight once again. But later on he showed up along the road a third time disguised as another beggar and spoke to me, and I gave him the third quarter of my bread and my third dollar. “Thanks, man!” he said. I walked on with nothing left but one quarter of my army issue bread and a buck to my name.

Monday: Let’s be “Bud’s”

The Adventures of Brother Jim based on the story “Brother Gaily” from The Juniper Tree and Other Tales from Grimm.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time you know by now that most of my posts have a serious slant to them. But all serious and no fun makes Jim’s blog a bit depressing. So let’s have some fun!

For the next sixteen posts I’ll be bringing you a story I’m calling “The Adventures of Brither Jim.” The story is an updated version of the Brother’s Grimm story called “Brother Gaily” from The Juniper Tree and Other Tales from Grimm in which I’ve made myself the main character.  Though the story is not intended to have any “redeeming value” watch out! It may just rise up to smack you between the eyes!

So let’s get this adventure started. “Once upon a time…”

Thursday: “Three Pesty Beggars”