People living with mental illness often hurt the people we are closest to. Sometimes we hurt people intentionally out of anger over the way we are treated. But often times the hurt we cause our family, friends, or employers is a by-product of the disease we struggle with. We don’t mean to damage relationships, but because we are ill-equipped to deal with the thoughts and emotions our mental illness causes, we make poor decisions that adversely affect those we love and work for. Some of us attempt to self-medicate our pain and get caught in the grip of an addiction that damages our relationships and careers. Some of us, because of our diminished ability to function from day to day have difficulty staying employed and put great economic stress on our families causing feelings of resentment.

When I was in the throes of dissociative identity disorder and depression, I abandoned my wife when she needed me and betrayed her when she trusted me. My actions almost destroyed my marriage, and cost me a very good job. I found myself in a vicious cycle. I acted out the pain caused by my mental illness and my acting out caused me more pain and shame exacerbating the symptoms of my disorder, causing me to feel even worse. I was a classic illustration of the principle that “hurting people hurt people. It was my wife’s choice to forgive me that broke this destructive cycle. Next time I’ll tell you how.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness Fact Sheet, one in four adults–approximately 57.7 million Americans–experience a mental health disorder in a given year. One in seventeen lives with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, major depression or bipolar disorder, and about one in ten children have a serious mental or emotional disorder. Mental illnesses can affect persons of any age, race, religion or income.

As a clinician (Crisis Intervention Specialist with Children’s Mobile Response and Stabilization Services for the NJ Division of Child Behavioral Health Services) and a consumer (I suffer from chronic depression and I’m in recovery from Dissociative Identity Disorder), I know that sound clinical treatment of mental illness is critical to healing. But just as important for healing, if not more important, is compassion.

I am able to write this blog today because of the compassionate treatment I received from my wife, my therapist, and my pastor. I know that without their compassion I would be dead. These three people gave me hands-on lessons about the compassionate treatment of mental illness. They taught me that compassionate treatment of mental illness requires a heart that forgives, an ear that listens, and a mouth that speaks encouragement.

Because we all knowlingly or unknowingly encounter people struggling with mental illness, in our families, at work, in school, in the community, at one time or another, I would like to pass on what I have learned to you through my posts over the next several weeks. How we treat someone struggling with a mental illness can make a difference, postively or negatively, in their healing.