Heart Tales is a monthly newsletter for people who want to live life with character, wisdom, and faith.

Heart Tales is published by Jim Cyr, storyteller, crisis intervention specialist, and minister.

Many of you know that I am a minister. So I’d like to tell you a story from my early days of ministry when I was the pastor of a small congregation and still learning the craft of preaching.

Now in those early days I had lots of enthusiasm but not much wisdom. And I had a problem that many pastors struggle with. When it came time for the sermon I would look out over the congregation and see my flock getting comfortable, closing their eyes, and falling asleep because I was the most boring preacher you can image. It was impossible for my little congregation to stay awake. But, knowing they’d all had a hard week I didn’t have the heart to wake them up. I let the music after the sermon do that.

One day I was talking to a friend of mine, a fellow Baptist preacher from another town. I said to my friend, “You know, I think if I could preach just one sermon in my life and everybody stayed awake I could die happy. But I don’t suppose I ever will.”

My friend said, “I don’t know about that. I’ve got an idea. Next Sunday I’ll lead your service and preach for you. You go to First Baptist Church in Trenton because the General Secretary of the American Baptist Churches is going to be preaching there. You get to First Baptist in Trenton and listen to the General Secretary.”

“The General Secretary!” The head of the American Baptist Churches!” I exclaimed. “He’s the finest preacher in our denomination! But how will that help me? I am the worst!”

“Don’t you understand what I’m saying?” asked my friend. “You sit there and write down every word the good General Secretary says. Then come home and you’ve got seven days to learn it all by heart. You get up into your pulpit the next Sunday and preach the General Secretary’s sermon word for word and they will not go to sleep then. I promise you.”

Well, I thought it was a great idea. I was so excited that I ran right down to Staples and bought myself a new notebook, a new pencil, and a pencil sharpener. I could not wait for Sunday to come. Each day I sharpened my pencil just a little bit more.

At last Sunday did come and off I went to Trenton as fast as I could. I arrived at First Baptist Church. I went inside and looked around. I said to myself, “I know. I’ll sit way in the back and get all the audience reaction.”
So I did. I sat there waiting and waiting, like the rest of congregation did for the great moment of the General Secretary’s sermon. When at last that great moment came and everyone was on the edge of their pew, there I was, my notebook open, my pencil ready, sharp as sharp could be. And what happened? Nothing! I wrote down, “Nothing happening!”

The people began to look around and there was the General Secretary, still sitting in his seat, looking down, grim as grim. And at the right moment, when the dramatic tension had risen to a point that it was almost unbearable, up rose the General Secretary slowly from his seat. He walked slowly to the pulpit, slowly opened his Bible, and even then, the General Secretary did not say a word, he just looked at us. I wrote down, “Look at them!”
And then he spoke. “Brothers and sisters, I have something to tell you. Brothers and sisters, I love a woman, and she’s not my wife.”

The shock! The horror! You could feel it!
“Brothers and sisters, for me, that woman is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
People’s ears were flapping. I was writing, smoke coming from my pencil.
“Brothers and sisters, for me the finest moment of my life is to sit with my arm around her waist, and to stroke her golden hair. Brothers and sisters, now I want to tell you who that woman is… It is my mother.”
The General Secretary went on to preach the most moving sermon on the virtues of motherly love. Pure theater it was, marvelous stuff!

At the end of the sermon, I closed my notebook knowing my life’s ambition was in my grasp. I went back home as fast as I could. Every spare minute of the next week there I was in my bedroom, the little notebook propped up in front of the mirror. I had it down word for word, even the look!

Sunday came at last and off I went to church. I raced through the beginning of the service as fast I could. But when it came time for people to get themselves comfortable and let there eyes close, they found that nothing was happening. I heard the members of my congregation whispering, “Where’s the pastor? Look, the hymn is over but he’s still in his seat!”

And there I was, still sitting in my seat, looking down, trying not to smile. Just when someone was about to say, “Shall we call 911?”

Up I rose, slowly from my seat, walked slowly to the pulpit, taking my little notebook with me (Just in case). Slowly I opened my Bible. I stood there for a long time without saying a word. Then I gave them “the look.” And I saw they were not falling asleep this Sunday!

“Brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters, I have something to tell you. Brothers and sisters, I love a woman, and she’s not my wife.”

The people’s ears were flapping. It was what I’d always wanted.

“Brothers and sisters, for me she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Brothers and sisters, for me the finest moment of my life is for me to sit with my arm around her waist and stroke her golden hair. Brothers and sisters, now I want to tell you who that woman is. It’s… the General Secretary’s mother!”

That was the last sermon I ever preached in that church and the last piece of advice I ever took from that friend!

(This story was adapted from “Bishop Daley” on Richard Martin’s CD “The Well at the World’s End and Other Tales”)

How seriously do I take myself?

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.” –Ethel Barrymore

I work with organizations that want to equip people to handle life with character, wisdom, and faith.

I offer performances of folk and fairy tales, sacred stories, and personal stories that will produce laughter, coach character, expand horizons, heal damaged emotions, grow faith, offer hope, teach love, and build community.

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“Jim’s storytelling spoke to many of the problems our women face on the road to recovery from addiction and gave them options for handling those problems they had not considered before.”
Helen Raytek, Program Director, Crawford House

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Your comments and feedback on this newsletter and my new webpage are welcome!

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“…your newsletter is a wonderful resource, and I hope that many will subscribe to it.”
Dr. Robert Béla Wilhelm, Storyfest Ministry

“…Thank you once again, Jim, for sharing your stories/your story and influencing my healing.”
Eileen

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